The Pizza model of living.
When I was a kid, I’d make “pizza” for myself for meals on weekend.
Well, it was pizza in that is was a bready-base, with a pile of stuff on top of it, with cheese on top of that - but the similarities between that and real pizza ended about there.
I’d combine whatever flavours I could dig out of the (well stocked) fridge, with no discernible theme or target in mind, just get a pile of stuff on top of the base, add cheese and cook.
These days, pizza is more about what to not put on it. 2 or 3 flavours at most. Make the theme bold and strong, an select flavours that go together well, that complement each other. The overall is a lot less jumbled, easier to eat, and much, much better tasting.
Doing it with pizza is easy.
Why not apply that model to life?
All my adult life, I’ve been something of a dilettante, a dabbler. I’ve read widely, and broadly, but when I focus down to particular areas, I get more pleasure from my reading. The only thing I’ve truly focussed on has been IT related stuff, and this had the net effect of causing my career in IT to be as successful as it was.
I’ll be as successful, if not more so, in photography if I focus on it (pun not intended) as much as I did with computer stuff 15 years ago.
What does this mean for how I live? While I still have a day job, I’m not working on photography related stuff for those 8+ hours a day - but I can look at things with the constant question “how would I shoot this scene?” I can make more of an effort to notice light, and the way it falls, the colour of it, and what’s causing it to be that colour. I can pay attention to photos that I see on the web, pick the good ones, and analyse what makes them good, what emotions they’re inviting.
Outside of work, I’ve unsubscribed from most of my geek-related RSS feeds and podcasts, and picked up a host more photography and fashion podcasts. Most nights, I spend a block of time on something photography related - either passively, like familiarising myself with the fashion world, or actively - shooting, or post-processing photos already shot. My weekends are increasingly full with TFP model shoots, and about to become more full with volunteer photography work.
Instead of having a life that’s filled with whatever I can find to fill it, I’m carefully selecting what I want in my life, then making sure I can be busy working on that. Right now my toppings are Photography, IT (day-job) and personal development/personal growth stuff (writing here, and trying to grow myself), on a solid (yet not-so-bready) base of my relationship with my wife and other people close to me, with a constantly cheesy layer of music over the top of it all (along with the occasionally mozzarella-like stretched metaphor).
[Image is Pepperoni Pizza by callme_crotchet]
CommentsLiving the life you want - your way
A couple of years back, I read a book called The Monk and the Riddle: The Art of Creating a Life While Making a Living, which is one of those books that have reset my way of thinking, quite enormously.
The central point of the book is that most of us live the life we feel we have to live now, in order to live the life we want to live some time in the future (normally after retirement) - this is called Deferred Life Planning.
I’ll paraphrase that, to make it sound appropriately absurd. We spend the best years of our lives doing something we’re not really interested in, so we can spend a few years at the end of our lives doing stuff we enjoy.
Deferring our lives.
I’ve come to realise, that I’ve slipped into this thought trap again.
I’m working a day job - it’s a job I’m good at, a job with good income level, and good potential for improvement, it’s continuing on along a career path the likes of which my parents would have approved (that is: it pays well, I wear a suit, work in an office, and have “Manager” in my title).
Traditionally, I’d continue working this job, and others like it for the next 30 years or so, moving slowly but surely up the management tree, increasing my salary levels, getting more and more non-salary benefits. Then I’d retire, and have time to do the things I want to do.
Wow. 30 years doing something that doesn’t really inspire me, only doing what I really care about in my ever-decreasing ’spare’ time. That’s just insane.
While I find the day to day process of doing my job to be adequately interesting, the thought of doing something like it for the next 30 years could drive me to drink (or worse).
My plan is to move away from Information Technology/Management type roles, and into professional photography. I have some experience in this field, but not enough (yet) to make potential clients feel comfortable. Also, most of the work I’ve done has been fairly candid type stuff, some weddings, some portraits, while the area I’m targeting is more commercial or fashion photography, working with models.
What I struggle with, is meeting the immediate and short term requirements of life without having my current income stream or something to adequately replace it. My photography career has income potential, but there’s a fairly hefty gap between where I am right now, and that life being able to pay the bills (let along facilitate my target lifestyle).
The modern model of life change seems to be “Just do it. Make it happen”, but that really doesn’t work for me. I have commitments I’m not prepared to let slide, some debts to clear, a certain level of lifestyle I’m not prepared to sacrifice. I’m simply not prepared to quit my day job and leave myself with no way to meet those commitments.
I want to have my cake and eat it too. Security cake, that is.
Short of winning some form of lottery (very hard for me to do, considering I never buy tickets), I need to grow my photography career while maintaining my current one.
Here are a few of the steps I’m taking along that path (in no particular order).
1. Limit the amount of time spent on my current job. My job is such that it’s quite easy for me to spend 10-12 hours (or more) on it a day. While an 8 hour day is all I’m contractually obliged to do, I can’t really justify only doing that every day, but there are things I can do to limit the amount of time I spend there.
2. Take one step a day in the right direction. Every day. One step, in the direction of my goal. This includes reading, researching, planning, practicing - anything that moves me in the right direction. It’s important to make this a commitment, like exercising, or brushing my teeth.
3. Declare a target, and a resulting action. I’ve declared that when I have, in no more than 6 months, earned enough to pay the rent for 6 months, then I can take a significant step towards moving towards this full time. The step I have in mind is that I’ll let myself hand in my notice at my current role.
4. Change your label. For years, I’ve called myself a geek. It’s been my mental label for who I am, what I do. Now, I’m changing my internal language to call myself a photographer. While a label seems to be a very superficial thing, it’s the sort of thing that goes right to the root of how I perceive myself. For years, I’ve been a geek who occasionally took photos. That’s something that needs to change.
5. Journal your changes. This is a new one for me, I’ve never really been a diary writer. Basically, as part of the second step, above, I record what I did, along with my thoughts, ideas and plans for the future. This will grow over time, and will (I hope) serve as motivation when things get tough - I’ll have a tangible log of my ’sunk costs’.
6. Target spending. In order to progress in my new career, I need to increase my supplies of certain tools, and increase my ability to use these tools in a variety of circumstances. I also need to evaluate the work of other photographers, dissect it, try and understand how an effect works, what was done to cause it, so I buy fashion magazines (as much for the ads as for the fashion shoots). I’m growing a budget for new gear, and self-instruction materials.
(Sidenote: I’ve fallen into Trap 1. In a pleasing example of synchronicity, I stumbled across this link while in the process of writing this post)
CommentsChange
Ok, quick question.
Do you:
a) accept change,
b) embrace change, or
c) actively seek change?
Try answering that question a few times a day, see what changes you notice in yourself.
CommentsIs it an excuse or a reason?
I make excuses. Quite a lot, actually. But, I’m trying not to, at least not quite so much.
“I’m not going to the gym tonight, I’ve had a long day and I’m tired.” is one of my more common excuses.
However, the reality is that my gym is at work. My gym gear is in the car, just outside. Unless going to the gym will make me so tired that I’d be dangerous driving home then “tired” isn’t a valid reason for not going to the gym. Sure, I work long days at times, and I’m often tired at the end of them - but it’s “brain tired” more than “body tired” - actually, heading to the gym after work means I sleep better, and I get that warm virtuous glow of the gym-goer for the next 24 hours or so.
Reasons are something else. “I’m not going to the gym tonight, I’m choosing to do something else instead.” That’s a reason - even if “something else” is sitting in the couch.
Excuses are easy, but they’re lies. Lie to other people if you feel you need to, that’s something for you and your personal sense of ethics to deal with, but don’t lie to yourself about things.
CommentsBearing grudges (withholding forgiveness)
I used to do this a lot - someone would wrong me in some way, and I’d cling to the event, hold it against them - revisit it, time and time again. Over time what happened would grow in my memory, and dominate my impression or memories of that person.
Negative people, while I removed them from my life, by bearing a grudge against them i kept the memory of the way they impacted on me alive, kept it fresh in my mind. They may have been no longer present in my physical life, but they very much were in the life inside my head. Over and over again.
Then I read or heard a simple question, that turned things around for me.
Paraphrased, it’s something like “Who benefits from you holding that grudge?”.
Who are you hurting? Not them, that’s for sure.
Holding a grudge is like picking at a scab - the wound stays open, and gets worse.
Leaving it alone lets it heal.
To do that, you have to be able to forgive. I’m not talking about some dramatic scene, just do it in your head. If it’s someone you’ve excluded from your life for valid reasons, there’s no need for them to ever know about it. Once you’ve forgiven them, you can let it go, let the wound heal.
I’m not for a second suggesting that you should try to forget. Forgetting would involve not learning from your experience. Forgiving just means not letting it continue to harm you.
Bonus exercise for advanced students - what is regret, except a grudge you hold against yourself?
[image by dhammza]
CommentsPatience. Is it really a good thing?
“Good things come to those who wait” has to be one of the worst lies I was ever told as I was growing up.
Now, it’s a great thing to tell your kids, especially if you want them to stop pestering you - I imagine that’s why I heard it so often.
Here’s the new lesson: Good things come to meet those who move towards them.
A single step (more if you like) , every day, towards where you want to be. That HAS to be better than standing still, waiting for it to come to you. Even if it is moving towards you, it will reach you sooner if you meet it half way.
One step towards where you want to be. Follow it with another one. And again.
Of course, there’s a line between being patient, and rushing things. Sometimes, you need to step back and see where the best next step is. Make the right steps, not the easiest ones, not the most convenient ones.
Being patient is just one of those things you can use an excuse to procrastinate. “I’m being patient, good things come to those who wait” is from a little voice inside your head that gives you a way out, an excuse for not doing anything, justification for procrastination.
Move towards where you want to be. Even if you think it’s already heading in your direction.
[image by macca]
CommentsChoice - who needs it? All the time? Really?
Sometimes, I can be lazy, I don’t feel like being challenged in any way, and I want what I always have.
I want the safe option. This most often rears its ugly, boring (yet strangely comforting) head in restaurants or other food places, particularly when I’m tired.
If left to my own devices, I’ll pick something I know I’ll like. If I’ve been to the restaurant before, it will probably be the same thing I’ve had before.
Boring!
Sometimes, deciding for myself is just too hard, especially at one of those places where the menu is particularly large, or all the options look equally good. Sometimes I just don’t know enough to make a fully informed choice.
So, sometimes, I don’t make a choice - I left someone else make it for me.
Imagine saying to a bartender “Surprise me!”
Or ordering a from a juicebar, saying “What’s your favourite? What do you think I should have?”
Or at the chinese restaurant, when they ask you if you’d like the large or the small rice “No idea, which one do you think we’ll need?”
Or saying to the person you’re out for dinner with “You order what you like. Order your favourites. Get enough for me too please?” No recriminations allowed!
“What does the chef feel like cooking?”
Historically, I’ve been all about the dark clothing. Recently, I’ve taken to saying to shop assistants “What would look good?”, and I’ve got some of my favourite new clothes that way.
Some years ago, I went into a music shop that specialised in electronica and said “I like fairly dark and industrial style music” and listed a few bands. An hour later, after spending time with a stack of CDs in a listening booth, I walked out with some psytrance and dirty D’n'B.
Get a friend to lend you some books. “Just give me three you think I should read”. Commit to only rejecting them if you’ve already read them.
Hitting “random” on your entire MP3 library.
Having the choice is all well and good, but sometimes it can be remarkably freeing to make the choice to not choose.
Image by Peter Garnhum
CommentsThe utility of a bowl….
…is defined by where the bowl is not.
It’s the empty spaces that make a bowl useful. Without the empty space, a bowl would be useless; just a block of wood.
Good design is often more about what to leave out, than what to put in. If you’ve ever talked to a professional about graphic design, you’ve probably heard the term “white space” - empty space, space where content is not.
Photography is about selecting what to leave out of the frame.
Writing as well. A good book is probably that way because of careful editing, that is, removing that which does not need to be there (Can someone please tell Neal Stephenson this? Thanks!)
A life from which you remove that which is surplus, extraneous, deliberately living without some things in order to make your life better, more complete - that’s a life to celebrate.
That’s what I’m working towards here.
[Photo by Brian Hathcock]
CommentsNot sleeping in
I’ve always considered myself to not be “a morning person”. For years, I’ve set my alarm earlier than I really needed to, knowing that it would go off in the morning, then I’d hit the snooze button a few times, sometimes managing to turn off the alarm entirely, and falling back to sleep. Ultimately, this made me late, and I’d start the day in a bit of a panic, annoyed with myself for running late, forgetting things, and getting to work behind schedule and somewhat flustered.
When I first started my current job, I was using public transport to get to and from work, which meant I had to stick to someone else’s schedule. I live quite close to the train station, so it was easy to leave the house on time to get to the station just in time to get on the train. So, of course, it was almost always a last minute dash to get out the door on time, with things undone, often having to run back to pick up that vital little thing I forgot (normally my cellphone), then rushing off, hoping to get to the station before the train left.
Any of this sounding familiar?
These days, my alarm goes off at 5, and I’m generally up within the next 10 minutes or so. The next 80-90 minutes see me breakfasted, showered and dressed for work, and leaves me plenty of time to get my head straight for the day, build up a good frame of mind (which seems to last all day, most days), and still do a bit of morning reading or writing before I leave for work around 6:30. My (self imposed) target for being at my desk is 7:15, and my drive to work is around half an hour, so I have a bit of buffer in there, but I rarely need it - my schedule is sufficiently relaxed that everything just seems to fall into place. Everything (including my cellphone) is (most of the time) where I expect it to be, so I just slip it into place when the time is right. Because everything has a place where it’s expected to be, I rarely miss anything, and have to rush back for it.
The biggest factor, for me, is the frame of mind. I still don’t know exactly why, but I’m in a better mental state when I get up early. I seem to have an enhanced ability to focus, to get things done, and that lasts the whole work day, and into the evening. My wife tells me I’m in a noticeably better mood when I get home at the end of a long day on days when I’m up around 5. I know I get a lot more done at work, and I feel generally better about my day, my achievements, and myself on those days.
The biggest trick to making a success out of this, was simply getting over the fact that I was up early. Stop thinking about it, stop dwelling on it. If I thought about it too much, it would start weighing me down, causing me to convince myself that I was tired. So, of course, I’d dose up on caffeine, which, at best, gives the illusion of helping.
Now, I’m not suggesting that what holds true for me will hold true for everyone. We’re all unique (even if we’re not unique and beautiful snowflakes), and what works for me might work for you.
But it might.
And you wont know unless you try it. You don’t have to commit to it indefinitely, but why not give it a go next week?
CommentsAbstinence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
We all have things we love, things that we “just can’t do without” in our lives. 
In our society most of us don’t need to go without anything. For the most part, we can satisfy most of our desires fairly simply, so we tend to do so.
Let’s say, for the sake of example, that you’re a regular chocolate eater. Most days you have a small bar of chocolate, and you generally enjoy it… but it’s daily, so it’s nothing special. That bar costs, say, 2 dollars. It’s only a small bar, so its not too bad for you.
Of course, because you buy it every day, you don’t splash out and get the really good stuff - you get something that’s decent quality, but fairly generic - nothing special. Because it’s every day, you don’t pay a huge amount of attention to it while you’re eating it, you probably do it kinda absent-mindedly, while doing something else.
Now imagine going without chocolate for a week. Then, at the end of the week, you take the 14 dollars (or so) you would have spent on chocolate, and go to the best chocolate shop in town, and get some… say, 7 of their most exquisite chocolates. You go home, and get yourself comfortable. You slowly unwrap your purchases, then consider your selection, picking one to start. You could easily fit the whole thing in your mouth, but you don’t, you just nibble it, letting the little pieces you’ve bitten off melt in your mouth. You work your way through to the flavoured centre, slowly devouring the whole piece, luxuriating in the flavours. When you finish that one, you have 6 more to go. When eating them, you’re doing nothing but that - just eating them. Your full attention is on the chocolate.
Now, chocolate, that’s my beloved’s vice. Me, mine is bourbon (well, one of mine - I have a number). Some years ago, I stopped buying cheap and drinking frequently, and started buying expensive and drinking infrequently. As a result, I get more enjoyment out of the bourbon I drink. The same applies to steak - give me a smallish piece of quality ribeye once a month rather than a largish piece of rump once a week, and I’ll enjoy it far more.
Right now, I’m doing this with coffee. A couple of months back, I kicked my daily coffee habit, where I’d make a coffee soon after arriving at work, and drink it while working. Half the time I’d get distracted or called away, and it would get cold, but I’d finish it anyway (I’ve been drinking coffee like this for years, so that was never really a problem for me). Now, besides the negative health benefits of coffee, there was also the refined sugar - also not that good for me. At home, I have a great coffee maker. I buy good quality coffee, and make it in the stovetop. Good quality coffee, well extracted, I often have without sugar. The process of making the coffee is almost ritualised, and I find this adds to my enjoyment. Of course, I’m a busy sorta guy, so this isn’t something I do every day (and that would spoil the point somewhat), so this is a weekend treat, something I do once a week or so, if I’m having a lazy weekend morning around home.
I think this approach is particularly useful when the little something you normally have a wee bit of every so often, but perhaps you partake a bit more frequently than you’re comfortable with, or you know that it’s bad for you, except in moderation (and you’re not quite on the right side of moderation right now).
What I’ve learned is that I can take more enjoyment from the higher quality, less frequently. Especially if it’s something that’s bad for me (and let’s face it most things I really enjoy are), then I can do my health a favour as well. Depending on what it is, I might even save some money, which makes it a triple win.
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