Not normal

I’m not normal.

None of my friends are normal. (no offence intended guys!)

I’m pretty sure you’re not normal.

I once knew a guy who was so incredibly normal he was strange. Which made him abnormal.

Normal isn’t something you’d aspire to be, it’s a mean, a median, an average. It’s an unchallenging mid-brown. It’s forgettable. Monotonous Humdrum.

It’s boring.

Avoid the normal. Seek out the abnormal, experiment, decide what you want your life to be.

The normal nuclear family is 2.3 children and 1.6 parents. I’d hate to be any of those guys – being .3 of a kid, or even having .3 of a sibling would be just unpleasant. But I guess it wouldn’t be normal, at least.

I can’t even imagine how bad normal music would be.

I don’t need to imagine normal TV, I’ve seen it, and it made me give away my television. “Everyone” watches TV (it’s the normal thing to do), but it’s so much more freeing to not bother.

Everyone normal lives in the ‘burbs and commutes to the city, but the commute is so much better the other way.

Challenge the conventional wisdom, and decide a few things for yourself. Shake it up. Decide what’s normal, and do something else once in a while.

This isn’t about rebellion for the sake of it (after all, we’re probably not angsty teens any more, are we?), it’s about freeing yourself from the constraints of normality we all tend to wrap around ourselves like a comforting little security blanket.

Do one abnormal thing a day. Something different. Anything.

It’s freeing.

Try it. I’d love to hear how it goes for you.

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Letting Go #5: Disappointment

It’s natural to be disappointed about certain things. Something doesn’t go as well as you hoped, or perhaps even the complete opposite of your planning, and the temptation is to be down on yourself about this natural turn of events. Perhaps you didn’t get that job that would have been a great step forward in your career, that guy you’ve been hanging out with (and crushing on) just told you about his new girlfriend, or your exam results weren’t what you expected when you were studying so hard.

Here’s the important thing.

It only matters as much as you make it matter.

If you didn’t get the job, then you know there will be a better job for you some time in the future. Perhaps you need more time in your current role first, maybe you need to work on your skills or re-write your CV.   

Maybe the guy’s a complete jerk to his girlfriends, underdeveloped in the under-pants department, or cheap about paying for dinner.

It’s possible that you studied *too* hard for the exam, or focused on the wrong thing while studying.

Maybe the universe knows something you don’t, and is helping you out here. (Now, I’m not exactly what you’d call religious, but I find it helps my personal attitude to act as if I believe in a benevolent universe. Deep down, I’m kinda conflicted about it, but I’m OK with feeling like the universe wants what’s good for me, i’s a nice feeling, and it helps me get past things a bit quicker.)

Clinging to disappointment is akin to regret – or, as I’ve called it before, holding a grudge against yourself.

First, ask yourself who you’re helping (and how) by being disappointed. Odds are, it’s no-one. Then decide to move on from it.

By “move on”, I don’t mean forget – that’s no way to grow, to learn. Analyse, dissect, evaluate – all of that, sure. But do it in a semi upbeat kind of way (which, since I’m a sucker for plays on words, amuses me, as it’s pretty much the opposite of beating up on yourself).

Disappointment just isn’t worth hanging on it, like those shoes that are worn out that you just know you’re neer going to get around to replacing. So, just let it go…

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Without going all the way

200906292206.jpgToday, I read this quote:

There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth — not going all the way, and not starting. – Buddha

Arguably, those two mistakes are the first two that you can make with any venture.

Everything you don’t start has even less value to you, than something that was a complete and utter failure. With a failure, you’ve at least had experiences, perhaps learned some things, met some people.

If you start along the way, heading in the direction of success, why do you stop? (Why do I stop?)

My biggest problem, historically, has been one of commitment. I stumble, I falter, lose direction, lose momentum, take time off for no particular reason, and then I look back and discover that I’ve effectively given up. I’ve seen myself do it over and over again. The two questions from this are “Why do I do that?” and “How do I stop?”

Why, is pretty classic – fear of failure combined with my oft-mentioned laziness. If I didn’t really try, I can’t really fail, so not trying is a “better” option for my ego. I can maintain my self deception that I’m smart, with it onto it – that particular venture didn’t go anywhere ‘cos I gave up, not because I’m useless.

How to stop is harder – it involves some moderately radical shifts in how I think about things, how I behave, and how I rationalise my behaviours. The first thing is to recognise when I’m indulging in one of these behaviours. The second is to deliberately do the opposite of what my ‘natural’ inclination is. Repeat, ad nauseum, until the ‘right’ behaviour feels natural.

[image is The road to Offen 2 by Jasmic]

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