Not normal
I’m not normal.
None of my friends are normal. (no offence intended guys!)
I’m pretty sure you’re not normal.
I once knew a guy who was so incredibly normal he was strange. Which made him abnormal.
Normal isn’t something you’d aspire to be, it’s a mean, a median, an average. It’s an unchallenging mid-brown. It’s forgettable. Monotonous Humdrum.
It’s boring.
Avoid the normal. Seek out the abnormal, experiment, decide what you want your life to be.
The normal nuclear family is 2.3 children and 1.6 parents. I’d hate to be any of those guys – being .3 of a kid, or even having .3 of a sibling would be just unpleasant. But I guess it wouldn’t be normal, at least.
I can’t even imagine how bad normal music would be.
I don’t need to imagine normal TV, I’ve seen it, and it made me give away my television. “Everyone” watches TV (it’s the normal thing to do), but it’s so much more freeing to not bother.
Everyone normal lives in the ‘burbs and commutes to the city, but the commute is so much better the other way.
Challenge the conventional wisdom, and decide a few things for yourself. Shake it up. Decide what’s normal, and do something else once in a while.
This isn’t about rebellion for the sake of it (after all, we’re probably not angsty teens any more, are we?), it’s about freeing yourself from the constraints of normality we all tend to wrap around ourselves like a comforting little security blanket.
Do one abnormal thing a day. Something different. Anything.
It’s freeing.
Try it. I’d love to hear how it goes for you.
CommentsLetting Go #5: Disappointment
It’s natural to be disappointed about certain things. Something doesn’t go as well as you hoped, or perhaps even the complete opposite of your planning, and the temptation is to be down on yourself about this natural turn of events. Perhaps you didn’t get that job that would have been a great step forward in your career, that guy you’ve been hanging out with (and crushing on) just told you about his new girlfriend, or your exam results weren’t what you expected when you were studying so hard.
Here’s the important thing.
It only matters as much as you make it matter.
If you didn’t get the job, then you know there will be a better job for you some time in the future. Perhaps you need more time in your current role first, maybe you need to work on your skills or re-write your CV.
Maybe the guy’s a complete jerk to his girlfriends, underdeveloped in the under-pants department, or cheap about paying for dinner.
It’s possible that you studied *too* hard for the exam, or focused on the wrong thing while studying.
Maybe the universe knows something you don’t, and is helping you out here. (Now, I’m not exactly what you’d call religious, but I find it helps my personal attitude to act as if I believe in a benevolent universe. Deep down, I’m kinda conflicted about it, but I’m OK with feeling like the universe wants what’s good for me, i’s a nice feeling, and it helps me get past things a bit quicker.)
Clinging to disappointment is akin to regret – or, as I’ve called it before, holding a grudge against yourself.
First, ask yourself who you’re helping (and how) by being disappointed. Odds are, it’s no-one. Then decide to move on from it.
By “move on”, I don’t mean forget – that’s no way to grow, to learn. Analyse, dissect, evaluate – all of that, sure. But do it in a semi upbeat kind of way (which, since I’m a sucker for plays on words, amuses me, as it’s pretty much the opposite of beating up on yourself).
Disappointment just isn’t worth hanging on it, like those shoes that are worn out that you just know you’re neer going to get around to replacing. So, just let it go…
CommentsWithout going all the way
Today, I read this quote:
There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth — not going all the way, and not starting. – Buddha
Arguably, those two mistakes are the first two that you can make with any venture.
Everything you don’t start has even less value to you, than something that was a complete and utter failure. With a failure, you’ve at least had experiences, perhaps learned some things, met some people.
If you start along the way, heading in the direction of success, why do you stop? (Why do I stop?)
My biggest problem, historically, has been one of commitment. I stumble, I falter, lose direction, lose momentum, take time off for no particular reason, and then I look back and discover that I’ve effectively given up. I’ve seen myself do it over and over again. The two questions from this are “Why do I do that?” and “How do I stop?”
Why, is pretty classic – fear of failure combined with my oft-mentioned laziness. If I didn’t really try, I can’t really fail, so not trying is a “better” option for my ego. I can maintain my self deception that I’m smart, with it onto it – that particular venture didn’t go anywhere ‘cos I gave up, not because I’m useless.
How to stop is harder – it involves some moderately radical shifts in how I think about things, how I behave, and how I rationalise my behaviours. The first thing is to recognise when I’m indulging in one of these behaviours. The second is to deliberately do the opposite of what my ‘natural’ inclination is. Repeat, ad nauseum, until the ‘right’ behaviour feels natural.
[image is The road to Offen 2 by Jasmic]
CommentsCommitments that start tomorrow
I’ve mentioned before that I procrastinate. Arguably, it’s one of my defining personality traits – and I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in that.
My solution (for now) – if I’m going to do it, if it matters, if I want to commit to it, I’m not going to do it “tomorrow”.
There are some obvious exceptions – if I think of something work related on Sunday, Hell Yes that will wait until tomorrow. Similarly, I’m OK with making plans for the following day (as long as I’m not putting off something that I’d be better off starting today).
Tomorrow is one of the more dangerous words in my vocabulary – sometimes, it even gets an inflated sense of self importance, as it blows out to “next week” or “next month” or maybe even “next year”. All of these translate to “later, maybe never”, and there’s too much I want to get done for things to wait that long.
Much as living in the past is a bad idea, doing only in the future is an unhealthy habit.
So, time to be more healthy.
CommentsLess consumption, more creation
My default mode is one of consumption (of media mostly, but food also, as my waistline will well attest), not creation.
A few months ago, I got the Kindle app for iPhone (after working around Amazon’s attempt at region restriction – I hate having to make significant efforts to give a company money), and this gave me a wealth of new media to consume. Also, we were in the midst of the main US TV season, so there was plenty of TV to watch.
That’s where I’ve been – consuming, not creating.
While I’ve enjoyed my consumption (I almost always do), of late, I’ve been noticing the lack of creation in my life. So, I’ll be making more of an effort in that regard.
What I’ve noticed is that creativity begets creativity. The more actively creative I am in my life, the more creative ideas I have – ie, the more I write, the more photography ideas I have. The more photography I do, the more blogging and business ideas I have, etc. etc. Since writing, photography, and making money are the things I want to focus on for a while, I need to focus on all of them.
Growing up, creative pursuits were somewhat looked down upon. They were hobbies at best (at worst, wastes of time), not the sort of thing someone smart (I as always regarded as moderately bright, academically) and sensible (I wasn’t, but my parents wanted me to be) would actively spend time on. Work was serious, anything else, not so much. I need to actively fight against this attitude becoming part of my day to day reality.
Assuming any of you are still reading (I’m hopeful, due to RSS subscriptions), you can expect to hear a bit more from me in the coming weeks and months.
[image is Creation of a Strobist by ecatoncheires]
CommentsLetting Go #4: Anger
I used to be a really angry person.I’d let myself get angry over stupid things, for no good reason. I still am at times, but now it’s something I struggle with, rather than just accepting it as part of who I am.
It starts off when someone says something, or does something that just sets your teeth on edge, something that rubs you completely the wrong way. Myself, I get a feeling like pressure, high in my head, like I’m literally going to blow my top. Recognizing that as an early symptom helps me to get a head start on releasing the pressure, letting it seep out in harmless little ways.
One thing that helps me out, is actively working towards understanding where the other person is coming from, what their motivation is for what they’re saying or doing helps. Either they’re doing it by accident, which means I have no reason to get angry (but I will try and make a note to discuss it with them at a later stage, to avoid a repeat) or they’re doing it deliberately, to get a reaction out of me, in which case there’s no way I’m going to give them what they want (yeah, I can be stubborn at times).
Generally, fear is at the root of anger. When yo start feeling angry, try and understand what you’re afraid of.
Of all the emotions, giving yourself over to anger is probably the most outwardly destructive, the one with the greatest potential to screw up your life, your relationships, your job, and your self esteem.
Make it worth at least attempting to exercise a bit of control over it, right?
[Image by liber]
Letting Go #3: Fear
What have YOU got to be afraid of?
Me, I feel pretty secure – at least compared to my distant ancestors. The odds of me being eaten by a lion, or attacked and killed by the neighbouring tribe are (despite what the media would have you believe), almost vanishingly slim.
Feeling of fear are like feelings of pain, discomfort, hunger or tiredness. They should be acknowledged, and conciously evaluated. You have the best computer in the world between your ears, there’s no reason to be controlled by the most primitive parts of it.
Initially, pain is your body’s warning system. It’s your body’s way of telling your brain “This feels like it might start doing damage soon!”, and your brain wants to react to that, to stop the pain before whatever is happening becomes damage. Similarly, fear is your mind warning you that something has potential to go wrong, that something might be happening that could cause unpleasantness, something you want to avoid.
Fear can also lead you to make bad decisions. Fear of someone’s reactions leads us to lie, or conceal the truth. Fear of failure can prevent us from starting. Fear of falling might stop us from climbing.
That’s not to say you should ignore your fears – as I said above, consciously evaluate what’s causing them, and use your brain to decide your reaction to that circumstance. Use the fear, let it help you notice things, but don’t let it control you.
You’re smarter than that, right?
[image by la7mad]
CommentsLetting Go #2 Relationships
Like possessions, there are relationships that are worth keeping in your life, and those that aren’t.
Over the last few years, I’ve been making an effort to remove the more negative people from my life. First, and foremost amongst them, was me – and I was the hardest person to remove.
Now, obviously, short of some sort of foolishly drastic and terminal type action, I couldn’t remove myself from my own life. I could, however, work on changing my attitudes. Get rid of the cynicism, the negative self worth, the excessive sarcasm. Make an effort every day, to make myself a bit more up beat and positive about things.
Once I got rid of the worst aspects of my own personality, I could start removing some of those people from my life who were more negative.
For me, this broke down to two types of people.
The first are those who have attitudes that are, well, poisonous (you know, like I used to be). The negative, the nit-pickers, the needlessly nasty. The sarcastic and cynical. When you’re trying to bring yourself up, folk like that just aren’t helpful – apart from helping you back into your old habits.
The second are people who cause you to be negative. There are a few things that push certain buttons of mine, and cause me to get irritated – the chronically late people, who turn up an hour after they agreed to, the “world owes me” people, who don’t see why they should have to pay for anything – various personality traits that rub me the wrong way.
Of course, ending your relationship with these people doesn’t have to be a big dramatic scene, you can simply discontinue them. You can (and should!) still be perfectly pleasant when you bump into them, still be friendly, be interested in what they’re up to. What you shouldn’t be, is involved. Not any more.
Once I got myself out of ongoing relationships with people who cause me to be negative, my life became a lot more positive in general.. Funny how that works!
CommentsLetting Go #1: Possessions
Let go of that which you no longer need. It serves only to clog up your life, your mental space, and your ability to build the life you want for yourself.
Post one of an ongoing series.
Possessions - Not stuff you need, or even stuff that’s active in your life that you want to keep. However, getting things you no longer want or need out of your life allows you more mental space, more freedom (and a much less cluttered home). Personally, I’ve long been a hoarder, and that’s something that I think I finally have under control. For a long time, things have represented success to me, a “he who dies with the most toys wins” type attitude. I’d hold on to things that “might be useful” some day. Before I changed country, I had something like 7 years of old computer components (some of them even worked) stashed away… “just in case”. Old hard drives (most under 1 gig in size), serial and parallel cables (neither of which I’ve used for the last 6 or more years). It was a ridiculous amount of crap. Getting it out of my life was arguably one of the best things I’ve done.
Some things, you just can’t get rid of – even if you don’t need them in your life right now. Getting them out of your house, out of your daily existence (I’ve got a bit of stuff in long term storage) is a good half-measure – it’s literally a case of “out of sight, out of mind”.
The idea of a spring cleaning is a positive one. Once (or more) a year, spend half a day reviewing everything in your life. For every item, ask yourself “Will I need this in the next 6 months?”. You’ll be surprised how often the answer is “No”, and you can move it out of your day to day life, and into storage.
The next step is to actually put these things into storage. Label your boxes, with a list of items and the date you put them away (so you can find things if it does turn out you need them).
Possessions to more than fill up your living space, they fill your mind. They own you as much as you own them.
Personally, I don’t like being owned.
In a time of recesssion, who experiences a boom?
Just a little bit of thinking out loud here, following on from a recent post.
So we’re coming into what most experts are calling a global recession.
But that doesn’t mean that it will impact equally on everyone.
Certain industries, I’m sure, will prosper in the coming years. The question is, how can we position ourselves to take best advantage of this?
Off the top of my head, there are a few industries that will experience boom times.
Education: Many people will take advantage of redundancy payouts or increased free time to upskill. I’d expect educational institutions to see some growth, but as individuals, this may a bandwagon we can get on by creating educational electronic products.
Entertainment (on a budget): Why take the family to the movies when you can rent or buy a DVD and watch it at home, and make your own popcorn, buying your soda from the supermarket? Similarly, buying books will lose out to buying second hand, or borrowing from a library.
Employment Assisters: CV editors/writers, cover letter writers. Anything that helps make people more employable, that’s probably a service you can sell. However, out of work people won’t have a lot of spare funds, so you have to be able to do it cheaply.
Optimisers: A business that helps people be more efficient at something, that returns more value than it costs. The hard thing is proving that value before being given the opportunity to provide it.
Discounters: This is really the low hanging fruit, and it’s a no-win scenario in the long run. However, if you’re starting out in a new field, then your discounts make you more attractive. Of course, you’re also probably competing with people who have more experience, and they’re discounting as well, so you need to find something to differentiate yourself.
While it’s a truism that a rising tide lifts all boats, I don’t think that the same applies when the tide is on the way out – some boats will stay a little higher than others. The challenge is in finding a way to ensure that you stay well afloat.
The way to stay afloat is to add provable value. To help people out with some things for free, while knowing that then, you’ll be the go-to-guy for things that need your personal touch.
In my dayjob, I’m about as recession-proof as I can expect to be. I work in IT, I’m quite senior, and the most broadly capable person here (in terms of both breadth and depth of experience). While I wouldn’t like to try and run these systems without the support of my team, I could conceivably do so – now all I have to do to keep my base income flowing is try to make sure the company stays afloat.
Of course, as we all know, I want more than a dayjob, that’s what I want to be living without right now. So the challenge, for me, is applying my skill-sets to recession-proof ventures.
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